even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
