saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
