Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize