This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
