I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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