i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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