lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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