Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think my moral compass just broke
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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