I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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