I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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