I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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