Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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