Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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