maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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