U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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