i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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