i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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