i jhust puked up my retainher.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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