hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
