At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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