last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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