we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
