Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
