My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
