Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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