he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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