end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
