She is in my trunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
