Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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