i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
