Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
