I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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