Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
