ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
