i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
