Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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