I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
