I've blown a few things in my day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
