I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
