Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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