Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
