Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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