idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
