And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
