You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
