Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
