i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
