I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
