Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
