it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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