ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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