Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
