quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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