ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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