he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
