I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
