I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
