she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
