so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize