Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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