Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
